My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you would pick up someone in the library
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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