Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
