I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
