listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
