ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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