girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
