I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize