So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
