id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
