Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
