Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
