Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
