Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
