party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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