He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
