I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
