It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
