Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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