Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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