What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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