she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
