I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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