Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
