what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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