Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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