I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
