Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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