i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
