i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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