Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
