just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
