you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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