halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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