the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
