My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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