Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
