I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
