ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
