matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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