I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
