I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
