Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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