i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
