yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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