Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize