Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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