I wish they made helmets for livers.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
