Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
