im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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