i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this boner is exhausting
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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