My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
