OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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