Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
