So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
