she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
