Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
