quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
