Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i think i just lost a toe
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
