I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
