I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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