Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
